


soft talk began to harden

by grandmas_ghost (nap_princess)



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Angst, Bad Ending, F/M, I wrote this fic for me but y'all can read it if you want, Juvia my Queen, Lisanna my Queen, Modern AU, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Relationship, penpal au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 18:52:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14837246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nap_princess/pseuds/grandmas_ghost
Summary: "Ah, so you want senpai to notice you!" Lucy teases through her e-mail and Natsu writes back, "So what if I do?"– One-sided Nalu with (arguably) a plot twist pairing, falling in love with penpal / immature preteen identity crisis AU, Lucy-centric





	soft talk began to harden

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Small Hands](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/387113) by Keaton Henson. 



** soft talk began to harden **

* * *

Miss you terribly already,  
Miss the space between your eyelids,  
Where I'd stare through awkward sentences and avoid through awkward silence,  
Soft talk began to harden,  
Please forget me, you were right, dear, I am cold and self-involved,  
And though I'll miss you, recent lover, I am weak and therefore fold.

– **Keaton Henson** , _Small Hands_

* * *

Lucy Heartfilia knows that she hates family gatherings. It's always filled with drunk uncles and aunts that gossip like there's no tomorrow, distant second cousins that she's never talked to and screaming nephews and nieces that she didn't even know existed. She wants more than anything to pull her phone out and start e-mailing her penpal but she knows she can't. Her mother will scold her and her dad will threaten to take her phone away for a good week if she does so. 

So she sulks and Lucy tells herself that she has to be social because she hasn't been social for the past four months. Since high school started in September until now; New Year's. Lucy has never really been the social type. She's still in her stages of keeping to herself and finding comfort in books. But she's planning on getting better, being more talkative and making friends. 

Her brown eyes watch boredly, drink in hand, at a niece walking around in squeaky shoes before Lucy is dropped into a random conversation. 

"So, Lucy, what's your New Year's resolution?" A feminine voice asks. 

"Pardon?" Lucy asks as she turns to the source of the voice. It's a cousin of hers. She's sure of it. Lucy doesn't remember which cousin she's talking to though. Anya? Annie? 

Oh wait – cousin Anna. 

Cousin Anna with the same honey blonde hair as all the other Heartfilia's except Anna doesn't have boring brown eyes. She has stunning sharp blue one. So stunningly blue that it could be poetic like crystal ice on a frozen lake. Anna's eyes aren't big and round like Lucy or the other Heartfilia's either, it's sharp and edgy. 

Lucy thinks, Anna's like a better version of her. 

"Oh, uh." Lucy lets her fingernails make clacking sounds against her glass. "Why don't you tell me about yours first, Anna?" 

Anna smiles wide, smiles lines and dimples leave quick impressions on her face. 

Lucy notices Anna doesn't cringe at Lucy saying her name, so it's not wrong. Lucy must have guessed it right and she gives herself a mental pat on the back for that. 

They talk for a bit and Lucy finds out all sorts of things about her cousin. Like how Anna is two years older than her. How she's sophisticated and cool and kind. Lucy aspires to be like her. 

"How are you so cool?" Lucy found herself asking aloud. 

Anna let's out a laugh. She taps her chin. "I guess ... I was just shaped this way by my friends. When you have good people in your corner, you find confidence in yourself. Sometimes you're even an unstoppable force." 

An unstoppable force – wow. 

"But I'm not as cool as you think I am." Anna says. "I do average stuff too. One of my favourite hobbies is knitting, sounds grandmotherly, doesn't it?" 

"No," Lucy replies. "At least you can make something. I can't really do much." 

Anna smiles a confident smile. "I'm sure you'll find something you'll really like doing. And once you do, then you'll show it off to the world proudly. Don't worry, you will." 

Lucy grins back. "Thank you." 

Anna asks, "You still haven't told me what your New Year's resolution is." 

"I …" Lucy feels her face heats up, ears probably red. "I want to be just like you." 

Because she's fourteen, in the middle of her preteens years. She's still naive and young. And right now, she wants to be older and mature because doesn't every girl want to be a sweet sixteen-year-old? But now that she's said it aloud, it sounds too childish for a high schooler to be sprouting because Lucy thinks she still sounds like she's in middle school. 

Anna doesn't say anything back to Lucy's resolution though. Not a sneer or a tease or a quirk of a brow. But Anna does let her smile stay on her face and that was reassuring enough to Lucy. 

* * *

Lucy remembers how she met her penpal – Natsu Dragneel. 

Which was entirely his fault (or maybe fate or something). She had gotten an e-mail by accident from someone she didn't know. But it's not a scam or anything because it sounds too lame to be one. 

The e-mail reads, **Gray, send me the presentation slides! You didn't give me your number and I'm going to beat your ass if you don't' send them to me! The presentation's TOMORROW!**

Lucy writes back, **Hey, sorry but I think you got the wrong e-mail. I just wanted to tell you this so you don't kick my ass instead.**

Also because she didn't want the person e-mailing her to feel the dread of waiting forever for a reply back. 

**Oh!** He replies. **I'm sorry about that mistake! I won't kick your ass! I promise!**

And Lucy thinks there's way too much exclamation points in that string of sentences. 

**I'm Natsu BTW! What's your name?!** He tells her not even one minute after apologizing. He even attach a picture of himself just to convince her he isn't some forty-year-old man pretending to talk to little girls on the web. It's a basketball picture year book picture and there are names listed. Lucy sees Natsu and Gray's names in the picture. 

Lucy squints in suspicion at how trusting he is but regardless tell him, **My name's Lucy.**

…

Their friendship blooms after that. Mainly because Natsu's overly friendly. Like, really overly friendly, So much so that it reminds her of a dog eager to make new friends. If Natsu was a dog then Gray was a cat for sure. Something like fire and ice, they were just total opposites. 

Natsu tells her all sorts of stuff about himself like how he's a year older than her, how he dyed his hair salmon pink and how he never wants to get braces because he likes how his incisors poke out from his mouth like he has vampire fangs. It surprises Lucy when Natsu tells her he has a cat which he coloured blue with chemically safe animal hair dye. 

It's interesting and fun but Lucy doesn't committee fully. She never sends him pictures of herself because her parents have told her about stranger danger and she's still very cautious and self-conscious about posting selfies on social media. But she does pour out her emotions from time to time because he's just a stranger on the internet and it's easier to tell strangers secrets. 

She thinks, at least she's a little exciting and at least she has a friend because she still wants to be cool like Anna. 

* * *

It is not as easy as she thought. The first month after Lucy's resolution shuffles slowly. Lucy is still without friends at school and finds herself smiling the happiest when Natsu e-mails her his crazy adventures about his cat and his 'arch nemesis' Gray Fullbuster and his older brother, Zeref. 

But despite how lonely she feels, Lucy is determined to gain new friends because she can't just rely on Natsu and random messages from her old middle school friends, Aries and Virgo. They've got their own lives and Lucy should have one too. 

…

Her first friend is Levy McGarden who's also a book worm. Lucy finds comfort in her like the familiar novels she reads. Levy's short and cute and smart. 

But Lucy knows she must step out of her comfort-zone because she plans to committee to her New Year's resolution for real this time. 

After all, Lucy doesn't just want one friend, she wants a whole group so that she can have more fun and throw sleepovers and take hipster-y polaroid pictures. Plus she read somewhere on the web about the cheerleader effect and she wonders if it's a true thing. 

Lucy's second friend is Erza Scarlet who is determine and confident. Her voice booms like thunder and sends chill down spines when she's angry. Erza's a little bit different than Lucy's usual crowd but that's fine because Erza's is nice and at most time talks on the behalf of both her and Levy. 

They go out, chill at the mall and eat cake when they have the pocket to do so. They share notes and teach each other Chemistry and gossip during lunch. Lucy finally has thrilling-ish things to write to Natsu now and she feels proud telling him about these things. 

* * *

**LUCY ! ! !** Natsu's e-mail says nothing but her name before he sends another message. **I think I have a crush on someone but I don't know anything about girls so will you help me? Give me advice and stuff?!**

Lucy blinks back at her screen. Second year has just rolled around. She is now fifteen, her blonde hair now styles in low twin-pony tails and she's made two friends last year. She plans to expand even more so. She replies, **What's she like? Tell me about her.**

**Well … she's older than me. She's a senior, a year above me.** Natsu tells her. 

**Ah, so you want senpai to notice you!** Lucy teases. They've been penpals for a year plus now and it's honestly still the most entertaining part of her school life. 

She can practically feel Natsu glaring at her through the screen and through his words. He states, **So what if I do?!**

…

**How was your day?** She asks, today has been a little crappy and she tells him, **My friends, Levy and Erza, paired up together during Science class. I had to awkwardly pair up with someone I didn't know. The project may just fail before it starts.**

**Great!** He replies and doesn't even try to comfort her about her situation. **I wore my favourite dragon t-shirt today and got complimented.**

**By your crush?** She asks again. 

**Yeah :D ! ! !**

**That's nice :)** Her smiley face emoji doesn't match the frown on her face. 

**I'm going to wear it forever.** He tells her and Lucy thinks he means it. 

…

**She's got the prettiest blue eyes ever!** Natsu says to Lucy. 

And at first, she thinks it's kind of sweet that he thinks so. It's sweet that Natsu doesn't play it cool and act stoic. At first, Natsu admitting his feelings were nice but then it got a little … _annoying_ and repetitive. 

Because it felt like Natsu was only talking to Lucy to ask her about a girl's perspective. 

He never talks about himself now. Not about his cat or Gray or his day. It's just his crush and her pretty fair starlight hair and kindness and quirky laugh. 

* * *

"I'm joining the Literature Club," Levy tells her friends as she points at the bullet board at school. "What about you guys?" 

"Drama Club," Erza says which surprises her friends because they expected something big like Kendo Club. 

"Don't you have stage fright?" Lucy asks. 

"I do." Erza admits. "But I want to run for Student Body President in my Junior year before I get too busy in Senior year. And I need to overcome that fear if I'm going to make speeches." 

"Ah, that's our Erza." Levy says then laughs. "Anyways, Lu-chan, you still haven't told us which club you want to join." 

"Uhhh." Lucy hums. "I don't know which club I want to join." 

Erza tells the blonde, "Just join something you really like or something you're really passionate about." 

Really like? Passionate about? 

Lucy doesn't know if she has any of those. And suddenly, Lucy thinks she's very boring. 

…

Lucy finds she is still lonely at times because Erza has Drama practice after school and Levy has clarinet recital, Aries has a boyfriend named Loke and Virgo barely touches her phone. 

And loneliness does strange things sometimes because Lucy finds more comfort in Natsu than she should have liked to admit. And one night she thinks, _I might just be in love with Natsu Dragneel._

Which is a bad move because (how can she forget?), he's in love with someone else. Someone with blue eyes and pale hair. Someone that's not her. 

* * *

Lucy's third friend is Juvia Lockser whom Lucy herself reached out for. Lucy thinks this really shows that she is growing as a person. Juvia is, at first, shy and soft spoken and gloomy. But soon Juvia is smiling brightly like the sun shining through parted grey clouds. Juvia becomes so comfortable that she fills her friends with all sorts wild imagination that runs through her head. 

Erza and Levy finds Juvia amusing and Lucy is glad. 

…

"Lucy-san, do you want to try some of Juvia's food?" Juvia asks. The smell of her home-cooked food wafting sends Lucy drooling. 

"Yeah, sure." Lucy says but then looks down and sees she's already put her tray away so there's nowhere Juvia can put down her food sample. 

Lucy looks around, a little panicked because she doesn't have any bowls or plates. She doesn't want to dirty her hands so she wings it and opens her mouth wide as if to say, _Please shovel your food into my mouth._

Her friends laugh as Juvia spoon feeds Lucy and Lucy thinks she almost died that day from chocking because she almost burst out laughing at their antics. Chocking on food is not how she wants to go. 

"I'm so glad I have you guys as my friends." Lucy says. "All four of you." 

"Four?" Levy echoes. 

Erza cocks a brow. "Uh, Lucy, I think your Math is straying by a number there." 

"Oh, no." Lucy shakes her head. "I have a penpal. He's real nice." 

"Ooohhh," Juvia's eyes sparkled. "Does Lucy-san have pictures of him?" 

Lucy laughs at this. "Yeah, kinda." 

"Is he cute? Are you sure he's not your boyfriend?" Levy asks, making Lucy blush and Erza elbows her. Levy exclaims, "What? I'm curious!" 

Lucy just smiles and hopes no one notices her red ears and swelling eyes. Natsu's not her boyfriend but she thinks she would like that very much. 

* * *

One day, he stops e-mailing her. 

But he did give her some warning beforehand. Said he was busy hanging out with his crush. They've apparently started spending time together. 

Lucy tells herself she should have seen it coming. His e-mails did get shorter and shorter, and sometimes he didn't even answer her questions. So, honestly, how could she have not seen it? The conversations just felt more one-sided and frustrating and sad. 

Lucy tries not to get mad because they technically don't even know each other, this isn't 2004 and no one really pays attention to e-mails anyways. Or at least, unless you're an adult behind a desk. Everyone just texts and Natsu's probably just super busy. He's not ignoring her or anything, she convinces herself. 

He's just … He’s just _busy_. 

* * *

Lisanna Strauss is Lucy's fourth and final new friend in her third year of high school. She just moved from Edolas with her two older siblings and her mom and dad. Lisanna is like a breath of fresh air. 

But Lisanna is also mostly overshadowed by her older sister, Mirajane, who quickly rises to popularity with her lovely heart shape face and soft-spoken voice. 

"Don't you feel … left out?" Lucy finds herself asking. 

Lisanna blinks and cocks her head. "No. Why should I?" 

"I – I don't know." Lucy looks away, long ponytail swishing. "I just thought you would be – You would feel that way." 

"I don't mind." Lisanna replies. And she honestly doesn't because, Lisanna tells her, she never liked popularity anyways. 

The conversation is quickly forgotten when Erza asks Lisanna to tell them more about herself and Lisanna does. She tells her new friends how she likes animals and dreams to be a veterinarian. It's cute and Lucy soon pushes the idea of feeling left out to the back of her head. 

Lisanna fits in well and Lucy thinks maybe Lisanna could replace Natsu because at the end of the day, she'll still have four friends anyways. 

* * *

**Luce!** Natsu's email starts off excitingly. **It's been forever but you'd never guess what happened! Me and the girl I like got together! We're a couple now! Isn't that great?!**

…

"Lucy-san?" Juvia asks, noticing her friend's expression. "What's wrong?" 

Lucy looks up from her phone. She pretends nothing is a bother. She smiles her angriest smile. 

She says, "It's nothing." 

…

Lucy is now sweet sixteen and mad. Crazy mad. She doesn't know how this could have happened yet she can also see the possibility. She hasn't talked to him since – since … practically ages. Since he got busy after – 

_Sure_. Sure they exchanged e-mails here and there but for this to happen ... This – 

_What did he know about being in love and being in a relationship anyways?_ Lucy thinks and wants to ask aloud. 

Especially with an older girl. An older girl that will break his heart and leave him when she has to go to college and he'll still be in high school, choking down _Body Axe_ spray at the boys' locker room. 

She just left him for nine months. Which isn't a long time. Okay, well, like, enough time to make a baby but still! 

Still – 

She snaps at him by accident. Sending him a reply that sounds meaner than she wanted it to be. Natsu's answer is sheepish after that. Less open and more bottled up. 

Lucy feels horrible about it. 

Their soft talk began to harden. The messages exchanged aren't as easy to type as before. He disappears again after that. 

* * *

Natsu's e-mail reads; 

**Hiyya, Luce!**

**I just thought I'd share some stuff with you since we haven't talked in a while. I'm sorry that we haven't talked much but I went to a football game the other day and my girlfriend surprised me with a scarf! She made it herself! It's so warm and it feels like home!**

And Lucy sees an attachment to it. He hasn't talked to her in months, senior year is approaching, and he doesn't even include a 'How have you been?' 

He sends her a picture of him and the scarf and his pretty girlfriend. 

And the first thing Lucy realizes is, Natsu Dragneel's girlfriend is her cousin Anna Heartfilia. The second thing Lucy realizes is, she'll never be just like Anna. 

* * *

**end**

**Author's Note:**

> I … don't know if this counts as an explanation but …
> 
> First off, I know Anna is Lucy's ancestor and is supposed to be waaay older but I'm going to write her as Lucy's cousin because it's fanfic.
> 
> Secondly, the reason for fanfic, the last chapter of the manga just got me thinking. Gajeel teasing Natsu "You use to have a crush on Anna-sensei, didn't you?" and Nasu going "Yeah. So what?" means he has the ability to recognize what a crush is and the feeling so … that leaves NaLu in question. Does that mean Natsu knows he's totally friend-zoning Lucy? I know he's dense but I think he's comfortable with Lucy (not mainly but kinda) due to Anna and Lucy's familiar smell so like … the ship is never sailing? My Nalu BROTP is staying a BROTP which I'm fine with but yeah ...
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Thirdly, I just needed to stop writing about girls from a boy's perspective. I need to stop the gay. I need to remember how it felt like to write about boys because it's limiting my writing. But it's hard. I haven't crushed on a boy in … (squints at calendar) two years … Wow.
> 
> Also, loosely kinda inspired/based off one of my online friends. Though with less romance cause I'm currently still chasing after girls but like, you know me, I never pass on an opportunity in angst. 
> 
> – 3 October 2017


End file.
